As a child, I never had friends over for tea, I never had sleep overs and my birthday parties were never held at home. I was never angry or even remotely annoyed by this. Our house was (and still is) often a mess and I always understood that it was just not appropriate to have people round - atleast not without prior warning. 24 years later, I'm now almost an architect and I understand that a house is not only a shelter but also a santuary, a refuge - it holds our collective memories, our secrets, the way we live and the way our knick knacks are arranged are a direct reflection of who we are as people. It is understandable therefore that we are protective of our territory and wary of anyone who tries to encroach and trespass.
As I mentioned a few months ago, my felon of a 2nd cousin is coming over to study. He was actually arrested a few days ago for hanging around with gang members but was released without charges. He's 13 by the way. I don't know about you but when I was 13, I was still watching Transformers and Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles (Splinter RULES!), not planning to joins the Crips. Anyhow, the plot thickens. If you remember in my last blog, I told you that he has no clue that he is coming over to England to study, he has always been told that he is going on holiday. Shortly after being arrested, his mum did what every good parent does and lied - saying that if he didn't come to study in England he would be arrested. And the funny thing is, he believed her - so apparently not that smart. I can't wait to see what happens when he find out it was all a lie. Oh the tangled web we weave....
His mum has asked my dad to be his guardian, which would mean he would stay at our house at half term. When I found out today, i flipped out and threatened to move out (in hindsight, a tad dramatic perhaps). Maybe I'm being harsh but I really do not enjoy the idea of having someone staying at my house. I always feel like my house and I are on show. I just can't relax and after a 60 hour week in the office, I surely deserve the chance to relax in my own home. Not only that but this guy is a wannabe gangster, who knows what he'll do in our house. Anyhow, we are going to tell his mum that with me being at work all day and my brother at university, there would be noone there to look after him. Hopefully she'll take the bait.
Speaking of my no good brother, after weeks of blanking me and rejecting my calls and texts, I get a text from him today saying "I coming home 2night and I'm bringing chelsey! so do us a favour and clean the house". Now perhaps when we were young he didn't get the message, but we have NEVER invite people round to our house. And who is this Chelsey bitch anyway? His girlfriend? Who knows. She could be some skank from soho for all I'm concerned, and then to only give us about 2 hours warning, what does he think this is? A hotel? Even at a hotel you would make a reservation first. I got so angry and told him there was no way in hell that she was staying here and if she did, i would be as rude as possible to her and then I locked myself in my room and started writing this blog.
My dad tried to find Chelsey a hotel but they were all full. When he told my brother, he told my dad that "he was going back to london then" and had a big sulk. My dad is genuinely upset because he feels like he has let my brother down. And I feel bad for trapping my dad in that position. I wrote my brother a text telling him that he was irresponsible and that we needed more than a few hours notice. Then I played the guilt card saying that he had really upset my dad. I also told him that it was me that got angry about it and if he wanted to blame anyone he should blame me and then i really drove it home by saying "I don't care anymore, we both know you place me below your friends anyway" - oooh burn!
The thing about my brother is that while he is growing up fast, I always still feel that we're about 8, so I still make fun of him and our conversations are never too deep. In the few months that he has gone to university, i have really seen a change in him. He's constantly on the phone to his friends, but never texts me or even wants to meet up with me even though i work around the corner. He's irresponsible and late and he never wants to come home unless he wants something. I can't handle the fact that he on the piss every night, having sex, possibly smoking and possibly taking drugs but the one thing I can't stand the most is the fact that he doesn't see me as his best friend anymore.
I think it's down to the fact that when i was 18, I never did the things he does - my conscience and some say self righteousness have never allowed me to do it. I've never been drunk, I've never tried ANY drugs and I only had my first cigarette when I was 23. My brother calls me a prude and says that I should "live my life" instead of wasting it. But my priorities are completely different to his. Being an architect was ALL I ever wanted to do and I did everything that i could to get it, but with my brother, he doesn't really care, all he is interested in is having a good time, making friends and "not wasting his youth". The other day I saw a love bite on his neck which he tried to hide with a scarf (which I saw through straight away) and I recoiled in shock...then later I saw him with a lighter in his pocket even though he claims he doesn't smoke. And now this Chelsey thing. I feel like I'm losing my grip on him and perhaps I am.
I know, you all think that what he is doing is perfectly reasonable. Afterall, that's what everyone does at his age, right? Experiment? But I always thought he'd have enough will power to not follow the crowd.
On the other hand, I did so many stupid things at that age that he isn't doing and i'm still a decent human being, so maybe he'll be ok too. I just wish he'd wouldn't leave me standing at the margins of his life.
